I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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