she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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