i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
