By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
