We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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