My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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