so explain again why im purple
no
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Randomize
