I am in a vortex of obligation.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I need water and some morals
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
