I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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