I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
