I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
