Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
