I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
