I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Randomize
