when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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