my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
