Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Randomize
