Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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