no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
