i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
