my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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