Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
