He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
It's never too late to be topless.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
