cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
