Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
