Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
