Too much gin, very little bucket
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
