You're my little dorito
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
operation have a gay friend backfired
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
