do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
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I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
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Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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