I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
