I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
