We won't sleep together?
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it because I queefed?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
