Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
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look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
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Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize