forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
