The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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