Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
