tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
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doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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