Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize