i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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