My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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