No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
