pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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