i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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