You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
