Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
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Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
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I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I am naked and annoyed.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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