Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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