you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.