who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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