so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
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But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
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Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.