my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
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The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
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I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.