Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.