Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems