my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.