finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
