just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Slut skills are useful in every country.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
