Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony