Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.