The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.