some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
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