The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.