I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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