I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Couch. On fire.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
