Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
