Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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