where am i from again
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
