can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Quick, to the slutcave!
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Green mimosas i think yes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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