Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
