did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
