ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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