i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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