I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
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