I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize