I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
she woke up with a sticky ear
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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