i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize