Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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