It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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