I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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