ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just made my gag reflex go away.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
