They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
