You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Well I just put wine in my tea
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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