So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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