Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
