even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
