Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
