i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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